It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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