That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Randomize
