I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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