So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Dear god my vagina.
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