What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
