You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
