Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize