i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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