This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
