Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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