Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
not ubering you a puppy
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
