Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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