I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize