I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
