I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I'm passing your future prison.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
We had sex on a dog bed..
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
