I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
