I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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