6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
