Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
