the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
