Need sex. Gaining weight.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
