the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
