Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
