I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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