I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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