My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
