Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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