I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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