It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
