is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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