There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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