Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
