I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Randomize
