Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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