The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
