YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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