Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
