My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
