I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
