could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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