next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
