I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
