umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
