you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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