I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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