I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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