Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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