I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
