cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
