fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
