ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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