She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
