I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
