the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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