gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
