At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
