one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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