We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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