i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Houston, we have a squirter
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
