I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
