i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
