I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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