My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
