i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize