Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
