I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
