He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
